Different Roles I Have

Social roles are identities which people take on depending on social context; they’re ways in which we act in different situations. When I sat down and thought of all of the social roles I have, the first to spring to mind was my role as a college student--which isn’t surprising, given that I was doing a homework assignment. Other roles which came to mind were employee, woman, and daughter. Over the course of my life, I’ve adopted different roles, and come into different identities--I haven’t always identified as a queer person, I haven’t always been employed, and there have been brief moments in my life where I wasn’t in school. The expectations I associate with my roles are often very different from what other people expect.

As a college student, I expect to attend class, do assignments, get graded for my work, communicate any questions I have to my instructor, and participate in the class. Other might expect that a student is always concerned about their grades, studies often, and is concerned with getting a degree in order to land a higher paying job in the future. I don't often encounter people who expect that a college student to enjoy learning--many people assume that I'm in school specifically to get a better job, so that I can make more money. While I'm not opposed to getting a better paying job, my primary focus in school is learning. If I bring up my ambivalence towards having a high paying job, I often have to explain that I'm more interested in finding a job where I'm able to make a positive difference in society and that I find personally fulfilling. I'm practical enough to know that if I do find work which is both fulfilling and helps people, I'm not likely to make a lot of money.

As an employee, I expect to go into work each day I'm scheduled, complete tasks which are assigned to me in a timely manner, interact with customers, and communicate with my coworkers and managers. My employer expects me to interact with customers, communicate with my coworkers, complete tasks in a timely manner, and show up on time for my scheduled shifts. Additionally, I'm expected to present myself in a professional manner, smile and be cheerful when helping customers, and show an interest in advancement. Having to constantly be in a cheerful mood can create conflict when I'm having a bad day, or am dealing with stress from my life outside of work. There has been some conflict between my role as a student and my role as an employee, as well. I've had to compromise my school schedule on occasion in order to ensure that I'm available for my employer--I take as many online classes as I can in order to be as available as possible for my employer. Additionally, I've had to negotiate my work schedule in order to have time to attend classes and do my homework. My classes and schoolwork means that I've had to give up hours at work, meaning I'm not earning as much money as I could if I had a completely open availability.

My expectations of my role as a woman were a bit harder to suss out. I’m aware of stereotypes that exist for being a woman--such as being feminine, liking domestic-related activities like cooking, wearing make-up--but I’ve never accepted that in order to be a woman I had to fit the stereotype. In that way, my idea of what it means to be a woman--essentially, that you personally identify as female, though I haven’t always held this to be true--conflicts with the stereotypes that other people can have about being a woman. One expectation people have about women, in my experience, is that we all want to be mothers. When I express to people that I am not currently interested in having children, nor do I think I would ever want children, people often express shock. I’ve had several people tell me that my feelings on the matter would change once I had children, which in my opinion misses the whole point--to have children, I would have to be trying to get pregnant, and I most certainly am not trying to get pregnant. I do not anticipate this changing anytime soon.

One of the roles I’ve had the longest is the role of “daughter”. As a daughter, I think I should keep in regular contact with my parents, that I should respect my parents in all things (even when I disagree with them), visit my parents as often as I can, and try to be a daughter that my parents can be proud of. Many of my expectations of what it means to be a daughter come from what my parents expect from me--that I’ll call them often, that I’ll visit (at least for certain holidays), and that I’ll treat my parents with respect. My parents and I have different ideas regarding how best to show respect, which has been an area of conflict in our relationship. My mom, for instance, considers it rude and disrespectful to swear in polite conversation, whereas I deem it a mark of familiarity and being relaxed in the situation to pepper the conversation with more colorful language. My swearing in conversation generally isn’t related to how much or little I respect the other party, but is usually a marker of how comfortable with that person I am.

Often, I find that when I’m in a social context where one of my social roles is most dominant, other people interact with me as if I am only that particular role. For instance, when I’m at work and my dominant social role is “employee”, customers more often than not treat me in a specific way. Their interactions with me don’t include the possibility that I have a life out of work; they treat me as if all I am is a customer service employee. Not all customers treat me as if I were just an employee, but enough do that I sometimes feel like the people I’m interacting with aren’t interacting with me, the complex individual, but a one-dimensional representation of me. There is a disconnect between who I am, and who some people seem to think I am. If I act in a way which is outside of the character of “employee” or “customer service person”, the interaction between the customer and myself can become uncomfortable. This isn’t something that I’ve observed in my life outside of work, but this might be an artifact of how obvious it is that I’m an employee, and how much time I spend at work versus how much time I spend in other specific social contexts.

Social roles aren’t something that we think about consciously, and so are probably most obvious when there is conflict between what I consider appropriate behavior for a given social role and what someone else would consider appropriate behavior. Given the individual nature of role expectation, conflict is bound to happen over perceptions of social roles. Understanding where the conflict comes from can help to facilitate communication between people, leading to stronger interpersonal relationships and less friction when interacting with other people. Knowing the importance of social roles can make you more aware of how you’re presenting yourself to others, and can add to your communications with other people.