I often have the same problem as [Student]--I don’t find speaking with new people very easy, and am often very conscious of my body when speaking to strangers. In a work setting, where I know the expectations of the customers and my co-workers, I’m more comfortable speaking with people. I don’t find that I have any more or less difficulty speaking with men or women, perhaps because I don’t have any romantic expectations from the people I’m speaking to. I do get a bit tongue-tied speaking with a woman I find attractive, but I suspect this is a universal trait between genders. Talking to someone you find attractive is stressful--you don’t want to appear to be a gibbering idiot in front of them, and your brain is furiously working to figure out things to say to them to impress them. It’s all very tiring.
I think communication hiccups between genders are more likely when both or either party are relying too heavily on gender stereotypes in how they’re communicating. For instance, if while in a conversation with a woman, a man tries to be the stereotypical assertive, dominating male in the conversation, he’s likely to communicate poorly with the person he’s trying to talk to. Or if he considers the woman he’s talking to to be a stereotypical woman (that is, soft-spoken, indirect, and emotional), he’s likely to communicate poorly and make some sort of faux pas. I don’t think someone has to be aware that they’re applying stereotypes to another person for this to happen, either; we’re all of us plagued by unconscious biases that guide our decision-making.
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