Informational Communication & Relational Communication, Pt 2

[Student] helped me understand something that I think I find problematic with the difference between “informational” and “relational” communications--what, exactly, is the difference between your male friends reaching out to you to share things they’re excited about, and your female friends reaching out to you in order to catch up? It seems to me that the only difference is content of the conversation, not reason for the conversation. The reason for the conversation seems to be the same regardless of the gender of the friend who is conversing with you--they are reaching out to you, in order to maintain a relationship with you. It seems that your friends have differing strategies for achieving that goal--your male friends tend towards sharing common interests, while your female friends tend towards asking about your life (which, in a certain light, could be considered a common interest--assuming you’re interested in your own life, of course).

One thing I think is key from the text is the clarification that “every message carries content and relational meanings” (169). I think I missed that in my first reading of the passage, which led to my confusion. I still think focusing on how different men and women communicate buries the lede--that is to say, I think we have much more in common with regards to how we communicate and what we communicate about than we give ourselves credit for. And especially if we let gender stereotypes guide our interactions with other people, we will tend towards having problems when we’re communicating with other people. Your example of approaching your friend after his loss highlights this, and is similar to my own experience with grief and my friends’ support--I tend towards not wanting to discuss emotional experiences. When I lost an aunt I was close with, I didn’t want to talk about how I felt, but hanging out with my best friend and getting on with normal life was very helpful in dealing with my grief. Had my friend pushed me to focus on how I felt, I don’t think it would have been as helpful.

Sources:
Ivy, Diana K. GenderSpeak (5th Edition).